Cutscene 1 – Beginning

I have been experimenting with different ways to start the first cut scene. I’ve found it easier to split up the sections as they will take place individually from each other and it allows me to perfect each bit, making it easier to make the story board sections as well.

Version 0 –

Once Upon a time, a little girl named Vasilisa was stumbling through the snowy wilderness of northern Russia.

She came to a vast forest opening.

In my first draft I wanted to use the traditional ‘Once upon a time…’ as that makes it immediately recognisable as a fairy tale. However, I find this too cliché and would like to try something a little different but still recognisable as a fairy tale.  

I’m not sure wether to provide Vasilisa’s name here or to keep it mysterious so it can be revealed when she is talking with Otto as in Charlie’s provided bullet points he wrote ‘A mysterious girl named Vasilisa is lost in snowy wilderness.’, making it a mystery would also cut down the length of the sentence, making it easier to read.

I feel providing the location doesn’t really add much to the story and makes the sentence longer than necessary so I’m going to cut it out.

Version 1.1 –

Many years ago, in a land far away, a young girl was lost, stumbling through a snowy wilderness.

I much prefer this sentence to the original one. I combined 2 of the openings I found to create the beginning. However, I find there are way too many commas which makes it hard to read. 

Version 1.2 –

Many years ago, in a land far away, a young girl was stumbling through a snowy wilderness.

As the storm got stronger, she became more lost within the forest.

This is the version I believe I will use in the final draft of cutscene 1. The first sentence is short and sweet and sums up the situation without giving too much away, as well as following Charlie’s guidelines. I may revise the second sentence as I’m not 100% on it but i can continue working on it whilst righting the next section.

Version 1.3 –

Many years ago, in a land far away, a young girl was stumbling through a snowy wilderness.

As the storm grew stronger, it became difficult for her to see what lay ahead.

This is more than likely going to be the new final draft of the opening to the cutscene. The 2nd sentence is worded a lot better and easier to illustrate as well as just sounding more fluid. I can picture how this will look in the opening much more than the others and am now happy with my final result. 

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